Personal Stories
Sam's Story
As the mother of a boy 'diagnosed' with AD(H)D at the age of 5, who is now 15, I have found helping him to find his way in our society to be a huge learning curve and has often been a challenging and emotionally draining journey. I have swung from depressing thoughts of 'why me?' in the early days to the conviction I have these days, that because these children are often bright, energetic, and think and learn differently, they have something special to offer society. The world needs their talents and I believe these children are largely an 'untapped resource', with many not really achieving anywhere near their potential in a school system that doesn't suit them. Parents and especially the education system needs to invest more in these children - to find better ways to help them to learn, to feel positive about themselves and their futures, to help them to achieve success. We also need to educate ourselves about more effective management and communication strategies. If we understand them better, we can guide them, support and even discipline them in a more productive, positive manner.
Since our son had negative side effects from prescribed medication we had no choice but to find other ways to help him. We found this very frustrating because we found help and information hard to find and often felt unsupported. From the outset, we decided that to truly be there for our child we had to learn as much as we could about attention difficulties and the other challenges he faced - impulsivity, hyperactivity, being easily distracted, difficult to teach and discipline etc. Every child is of course unique and what works for one may not help another - but as parents we can become a powerful force (empowered) as we become experts in our own child.
Specifically, we have helped our son by adopting a 'multi disciplinary' approach, including dietary guidance (a healthy diet that is as 'clean' as possible), psychological and family counselling when necessary, biofeedback, learning coping skills, teaching him organisational strategies and problem solving skills, academic extension programmes, fish oil supplements, auditory processing improvement treatment, well thought out boundaries, routines and consequences - but most helpful of all lots of love, support, perseverance, understanding and the strength to be his biggest advocate. It has been important to strike a balance between getting him the help he needs at times, but also sending him the message that we love him the way he is. We need to honour the ways in which he is unique , and they especially have to honour their sense of 'self'. I remind our son that we all have to constantly work at improving the way we conduct ourselves in this world - he just has to work a bit harder but he doesn't have to compromise who he is. These children need to hear from us that we have faith in them, especially when others don't seem to.
Today, we are proud of the young man our son is evolving into, and of the academic success he is achieving. He does not let the label of 'AD(H)D' define or limit him. In fact in our house we don't use the label because we don't need it. Together as a family we have grown and learnt most through trial and error. There have been very difficult times and challenges even on a daily basis which has definitely raised the bar in terms of our parental responsibilities, but I happen to believe our son is worth the effort. He has taught us a lot, forced us to become better parents and in many ways has highlighted to us what is 'not right' about our society - like the way we forget to 'live in the moment', and to be spontaneous and playful. Everyday is a 'work in progress' but we always keep our eye on the bigger picture and always hold in our minds the positive mental picture of our son, especially when we are feeling overwhelmed and don't have the answers yet.
I was reading an article of an interview with a very successful actor (usually romantic comedies) who had rather severe learning problems as a child. He attributes his success to the fact that because he had to try harder and really work at things others took for granted, he developed a really good work ethic that is better than most.....we need to encourage our children to aspire to do the same.
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